We’ve all been there. Whatever the reason, your stomach just isn’t feeling quite right. Maybe you’re nervous or maybe you went on a roller coaster or maybe you’re hungry or maybe you’re just gonna barf – no matter what, you need relief. Because if things keep going on the track that they’re on, you’re in for an awful day or night or life.
An upset stomach is a common symptom of a hangover, let’s not mince words about that. Everybody has their own hangover cure, and they range from reasonable (a greasy breakfast) to disturbing (Hair of the dog? Come on. Is that a practice we should be encouraging? I know it works, but let’s be responsible). Of course the best remedy is to hydrate – that’ll solve most of your problems. But listen guys – I get it – sometimes drinking water is like adding fuel to the fire, providing your body with just enough substance to puke back up – I had some mornings like this in college, during two of which I was working in my role as a house manager at a local performance venue (that’s leadership!). But one surefire response for me has always been carbonation. I’m no scientist (don’t let the biology degree fool you), so I don’t know if there’s an actual explanation behind it, but I assume the bubbles neutralize the volatile stomach acid in some way. Or something. I’m talking out of my ass.
“Folly!” you say. “Pure poppycock.” Well, I don’t know what to tell you, person from the 1800’s, other than to cite anecdotal evidence. Yesterday, for example. I found myself in the throws of a terrible tummy ache, and I’m not sure why. It was certainly unrelated to drinking, and only popped up after my thrice-weekly run (I’m running now, stay tuned for a review of that). Once it hit me though, I remembered that my stomach had been acting strange most of the day – grumbling throughout a movie-viewing experiencing in the morning and then taking its sweet time to move water along my tract later in the day. This is where I start to panic, because I suddenly am reminded of my dinner the night before: Chipotle. Now I haven’t bought into the Great Chipotle E. Coli Epidemic, mostly because all of the stories I’ve heard don’t actually sound like E. coli. Plus the infection is very hard to trace. Plus it’s never happened to me. That last one is the real reason. I’m not going to believe Chipotle is actually giving people food poisoning until it gives me food poisoning.
Which made yesterday’s stomach cramps so scary! It was as if God Herself were punishing me for my foolishness and hubris. How could I have tempted fate so?
I wasn’t entirely convinced though. For one thing, my only real symptom was the pain. No diarrhea, no nausea, no vomiting (I imagine this part of the review is a really fun reading experience for you all). But I did flash back to my college days. What always made me feel better? Ginger Ale. So I put some pants on, and hobbled out of my apartment. I imagine I looked ridiculous, walking hunched to the corner store – thank goodness I have a corner store! And thank goodness they sell Canada Dry. That’s my brand. Get your Schweppes outta here, you heathens!
boo this can! boooooooooo
Once I had procured the drink it did not take long for the elixir to work its magic. I was feeling hale within the half-hour, and was finally ready to eat the dinner that I had been craving for the last several hours but couldn’t muster the courage to ingest.
I was foolish to jump to food poisoning, especially given the strong stance to which I have committed. It’s only now in hindsight that I can associate the pain with exercise-induced belly cramps. That makes total sense, but your mind doesn’t always work quite right when under this types of stress. Thankfully the ole brain was able to ping the benefits of the mystical brew from the Great White North. It salvaged my evening. Using Ginger Ale to Settle an Upset Stomach earns five out of five cans of the good stuff:
Steven Cohen's 365 Days of Reviews 